Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return Mini-Reviews

Reptilicus

Tom Servo’s silhouette flying all over the place isn’t funny, just let it go guys. And the riffing was just pretty mediocre. More current pop culture references but just not a lot going on.

On a plus side, I actually really enjoyed Reptilicus itself, so there’s that. I’ll probably check a few more episodes from the new season out, too, because they’ve riffed a lot of very enticing-sounding films.

Cry Wilderness

Pretty good riffing, especially “IT’S THE EYE OF THE ME, IT’S THE THRILL OF THE ME!” when the tiger showed up. Speaking of which, Cry Wilderness itself confuses the hell out of me. Like, it is just riddled with audio problems (including some of the worst non-translated dubbing you’ll ever see, and conversations that were clearly pulled from multiple different audio sources and not mixed back together very well at all), but then it has some of the most well-behaved wild animals you’ll ever see??? Like, I’m pretty sure that aforementioned tiger was by far the best actor in the movie?????? It’s like taking a test and getting half the true/false questions wrong but acing the essay question.

The Time Travelers

“YOU MONSTER! YOU CAN’T FIX EVERYTHING WITH ICE CREAM! But I would like some ice cream.”

Avalanche

This is exactly the kind of cheesy fun that the idea of a “70s disaster movie” has always conjured in my imagination. Also, this was easily the best riffing I’ve seen so far in the new season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Like, I’m pretty sure it single-handedly reassured me that it’s worth watching more episodes.

The Beast of Hollow Mountain

This might actually be the worst episode of the new MST3K I’ve seen. It took me several sittings to get through. I briefly thought maybe it was a me-problem, but honestly, the first like 75% of this movie is just so goddessdamn boring that I couldn’t maintain focus even though the riffing was for the most part pretty ok. Obviously it got drastically better when the monster showed up at the end of the movie. (And getting strangled by a dino ain’t a bad way to go, but ofc it wasn’t especially hot given the awful stop motion.) But like. Idk. The closest I got to watching more than half an hour of this in one sitting was when I was high.

Starcrash

I enjoyed it but Avalanche is still definitely the high water mark for the new season. Also I really hope that a lot of people gave them the feedback to Please Stop with Tom Servo floating all over the place for next season. I know I’m beating a dead horse here (which is a weird thing for a vegetarian to do), but it’s just… not funny.

I actually enjoyed the movie being riffed, though! Skimpy/tacky outfits, tacky space shit, more than a little bondage… it could be the weed talking but I can totally see myself watching this unriffed. Feel free to recommend similar bullshit to me.

Also when what’s-her-name is rescued, one of the riffers says, “I’ll tie you up in a nicer cave!” which is basically what I want in a rescue. (Though, probably a nicer location than a cave, yeah?)

The Land That Time Forgot

The riffing on this was pretty good! And unless I’m just blanking it out of my short-term memory, there wasn’t any over the top nonsense with the silhouettes! Woo!

Also, I’m not sure how I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Kinga (Felicia Day) is by far the best thing about the MST3K revival. Like, it’s not even close.

The Loves of Hercules

“Oh, yeah? Well I’m gonna give you and your dungeon the worst Yelp review you’ve ever seen! I was barely flogged!”


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