Orcs! (2011) Tests My Love for Orcs

This is a super low-budget, gleefully trashy movie called Orcs! There was never any chance I could hate it no matter how bad it was. And it honestly kind of seemed like it was going out of its way to prove that.

There are plenty of extremely legitimate reasons to have a problem with this movie. The humor falls into two categories: halfhearted Lord of the Rings references, and Extremely Straight White Guy sensibilities. The latter includes plenty of just unbelievably gross misogyny. It’s uncomfortable that all of the characters in this modern setting are white, given the racial overtones that have characterized orcs since Tolkien popularized them. And, you know, the cinematography and writing and acting aren’t exactly legendary here.

But, you know. Orcs. Even when movies thoroughly fuck them up (yeah, I’m looking at you, Bright) it’s hard for me to completely hate anything with orcs in it. Even when I know I really, really should. So if they want to make Orcs! 2: Orcs Take Hawaii, I’m totally onboard.

Anyway, that’s all well and good for a serious overview of what I actually think about the movie, but let’s break it down with some pros and cons.

Cons
• We spend most of our time with boring, shitty human characters.
• The orcs don’t take over the world.
• The orcs don’t seem to take any prisoners. I’d much rather be an orc’s prisoner than be murdered by them!
• At one point a character is getting choked by an orc and doesn’t seem to enjoy it. Cannot relate.

Pros
• Orcs.

(C-Rank)

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