Jennifer’s Body Was So Close to Being Gay Enough

My opinion is profoundly mixed for reasons I’ll get into, but I’m glad I finally saw it. I was worried going into this that it would be an Interview with a Vampire sort of situation where I’m told it’s So Gay for literally years, and I watch it and end up thinking, “… where’s the gay? Is it hiding behind all this straight? Is that where they’re keeping it?”

My fundamental problem with this movie is that it’s heartless. Right up until the moment that Needy (who fucking accepts that nickname btw? I’m needy as fuck and there’s no way I’d ever go by that) drove the box cutter into Jennifer’s heart, the movie was redeemable. Even in that moment, it had a chance. While I wouldn’t have liked it, if it had given Needy space to grieve for Jennifer, if it had made it clear that killing her best friend/latent lover just absolutely destroyed her inside, I could’ve at least respected that. Seeing her drive the weapon home intercut with the flashbacks of them as childhood friends made me cry, and I suspect I’m not the only one, but she needed to have that kind of soul-crushing emotional response, not just us. And don’t give me “she’s out for revenge after that!” Revenge and grief aren’t the same fucking thing. Let her grieve for her fucking girlfriend.

While that was the last point where the movie could’ve been drastically different in a way that would’ve made it a much better movie, it wasn’t the only point. The other one that jumps out at me most prominently is the moment where Jennifer and Needy kiss. Yes, okay, this isn’t actually a queer movie, it was likely there for at least somewhat gross and exploitative reasons, but there was so much emotion behind it and Needy was so clearly affected by it that it was very easy to imagine a completely different movie where Needy is like, “You know what? Fuck it. Kill all the boys, honey. It’s so cool that you have demon healing powers, you can be my superhero girlfriend.” Like, how did she not at least consider that for a second?

Also, like, her boyfriend is not only boring and uninteresting, he immediately started making out with her best friend because she showed the slightest interest in him and implied she was cheating on him. Fuck that noise.

Lastly, I would like to apologize to every bisexual in the world on behalf of this movie for the “I go both ways” one-liner from Jennifer. And for the fact that you just literally never hear the word “bisexual” out loud in a movie or televisions series even when there are characters that are explicitly supposed to be bi. Even when you get less jokey versions of “I go both ways” or some other cute euphemism, it’s always still that, it’s like everyone in Hollywood is just embarrassed to say the word out loud for some reason, and I’m really, really sorry.

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