speed racer is a great movie to watch high

a very good friend of mine speculated that speed racer would be a great movie to watch while high and he was super, super right. i say that without any hint of derision (i know that’s how a lot of people read these kinda statements) because the few times i’ve tried it have taught me that i really kinda fucking love getting high, and i think the record is pretty clear on how much respect i have for this movie. so, y’know. chill.

obviously part of it is just like… “wait a fucking second, how did they make this movie more colorful since the last time i saw it???” and yeah, the pancake scene made me want pancakes something fierce. (if i had been able to immediately satisfy that craving, the euphoria woulda hit impressive levels.)

but like… what really surprised me was how much more emotionally vulnerable being high af (i’m definitely higher than i’ve been thus far) made me, and how rewarding that was with this particular movie. parts of the movie that have never made me tear up before made me tear up. parts of the movie that always made me tear up made me tear up even more. the grand prix, in all likelihood my favorite movie scene of all time, and one i still stubbornly insist is the most emotionally rewarding. the montage giacchino’s soundtrack titles “reboot”… the unbridled joy of the crowd jumping up and down screaming before, during, and long after the race’s conclusion. i was sobbing and grinning. look down your nose at this kinda experience if you want, but this gave me a new way to experience a movie i thought i had already experienced every possible way. so like. if you have a problem with that, eat me.

previous times when i’ve seen this film, it’s been when i’ve really needed help pulling out of a tail spin. and i’ve just identified so strongly with speed when he’s at his lowest point, identified so strongly with the way all the positive and functional relationships in his life are sometimes the only thing between him and giving up. but this time, i’m not in a tailspin. this time, things are going pretty fucking good. this time, i’m happy with who i am, i’m happy with the progress i’m making, i’m happy with who i have in my life.

sometime when i’m in full possession of my faculties, i kinda want to do a gender-swapped protagonist reading of this like i did with mission: impossible: fallout. there are a few scenes in here that would definitely be hella nice if speed were a butch girl.

this time, though, i didn’t find myself identifying with speed at all. this time, i found myself identifying a bit more with trixie. i know, i know. she’s actually kinda underwritten. but y’know what? so am i. but i just identify really strongly with like… i don’t think i could be as fucking awesome at something as speed is at racing. he’s like the michael jordan or lebron james of racing. he’s just so much better at it that there’s really nothing anyone else can do against him other than try to stack the deck against him, and even then he’s probably going to come out on top somehow.

i can be someone’s trixie, though. i can definitely be someone’s trixie. there fiercely on your side. feistily insistent on doing whatever i can for you. competent as fuck, but happiest in the crowd screaming my head off with joy at your successes. open, honest, willing to ask you hard questions but only to help you. warm. caring so, so much about you.

idk if i can be speed. i kinda don’t think i can. and that’s ok. i can definitely be someone’s trixie, though. and that’s pretty fucking nice.


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