[a/n: in entry #5 i have corrected my name; usually i would use editing brackets for that, but it woulda interrupted the flow of the joke]
10. house (1977)
i had no idea what to expect and it still managed to defy my expectations, which is a pretty neat trick.
this movie has a girl-eating piano. this movie has an argument about the merits of watermelons vs bananas that later sees one of the participants turned into a pile of bananas (an apt visual metaphor for this movie). this movie has a girl named kung fu who all the other girls blatantly worship who has her own soundtrack. this movie has visual flare in spades despite pretty blatantly being made on a budget about as generous as my last trip to the grocery store. most importantly, this movie has an all-powerful cat. every movie should have an all-powerful cat, even if it’s not nearly as germane to the plot as it is here.
9. insidious: the last key
this is easily the best one. how ’bout that?
not only is this not one of the james wan ones, it’s the second of two prequels. this is not how this is supposed to work! but this one has the best scares, the best character development, a “this time it’s personal” hook that doesn’t come across as tacky, and not one but two women who kick ass in the spirit world. i also love a film that can pull off a “wait, that isn’t a ghost” twist twice and catch me off guard both times.
8. trick ‘r treat
this was pretty excellent! i really want to live in a town that takes halloween this seriously, but you know, maybe without all the brutal murders. i loved all the halloween imagery, especially the jack-o’-lanterns. i loved all of the cruel little twists in the stories for the most part. mostly i just loved the movie’s big halloween mood.
7. the girl who leapt through time
the ending is a bit back and forth and doesn’t come to a definitive resolution? and it’s straight, to boot? but it still hits me somewhere soft. i love the characters. i love how heartfelt everything is. i love how… distinct it feels? i love how relatable it is in spite of the extraordinary circumstances. everyone just feels very… real? and yeah, i love that it makes me cry. because i’m a big dummy like that.
6. the nun
if you don’t take any of the religious bullshit seriously, this rules. it’s so pulpy and good.
5. but i’m a cheerleader
tag urself im “i like pain. i’m a homosexual.”
the venom symbiote introduces himself to eddie brock thusly: “I’m venom, and you’re mine.” miles “monster fucker” moon was never gonna hate this movie.
(yes, he does make out with the damn suit. no, it isn’t nearly as gay as it coulda been.)
3. halloween (2018)
can we all just take a step back and agree that IT FUCKING RULES that all the boys at laurie’s granddaughter’s school are femboys who bottom and all the girls are tomboys who top?
2. spider-man: into the spider-verse
this was so, so, so, so, so, so, so fucking good.
obviously a big part of it is how visually gorgeous and creative it was. all those little comic book text bubbles and whatnot. obviously a big part of it is how unafraid it was to be silly, and what a great sense of humor it had in general. but like… that coexisted with so much emotional maturity and just… the entire movie, as fun and diverting as parts of it were, was really about miles morales finding the confidence and power within himself. and it’s so joyful and cathartic and powerful when he finds that. that moment where he puts everything together. joyful is honestly the best word i can think of to describe it, but it’s joyful in a way that feels propulsive and powerful and just… big. the final confrontation of this movie is just so, so much happening and i’m just kind of in awe.
and yeah, ok, it certainly helps that a bunch of people get bound and gagged with webs and that sp//dr is just literally d.va from overwatch.
you know what? fuck it. let’s go there: this is my favorite spider-man movie of all time.
1. mission: impossible: fallout
if the next one doesn’t at least begin to position ilsa as the new main character of the franchise, something is seriously wrong.