the core is a dumb, fun disaster movie

this is so early-00s it kinda hurts. it’s also an exceptionally dumb disaster movie. so like. yeah. yep. yes. this totally works for me way more than it should. i remember being forced to sit through this by some friends in college and rolling my eyes at it hard at it at the time, but i was a pretentious little shit back then. now this kinda thing is totally my jam.

i could go off on the usual tangent about the u.s. government and military being portrayed way too positively. and how all the remotely negative/cynical sounding stuff is the usual surface-level complaints about these institutions that never question them on ethical/big picture grounds. but, like… it’s the core, guys. i’m not gonna take it that seriously, ok?

this woulda been a much better movie if no one had died rather than like 75% of the cast biting the big one. it’s not enough to sink the movie. i just wish sometimes that super dumb/fun disaster movies would just embrace that identity and not kill huge swaths of their cast off in order to try and make themselves seem momentarily more serious when it really isn’t fooling anybody.

but yeah, like. this is so trashy good. i love the awful early-00s cgi, and the overuse of same. i know it sounds like i’m enjoying this “ironically,” but i’m not. it hits genuine nostalgia/happy buttons for me. i don’t care about the utter lack of verisimilitude. i genuinely love the way this stuff looks. i genuinely love how hard it is to take seriously. i want to make out with this movie. (i mean, except for the fact that most of the characters are working for the government.)

anyway, have some things i said in my telegram chat during the movie:

  • FBI. GEOGRAPHY EMERGENCY.
  • [when hilary swank gets assigned to the team] the earth’s core nearly ruined her career, now she’s out for revenge
  • [when everyone is drinking champagne when they christen the ship literally right before they go on the mission] alright, did everybody get drunk enough?
  • it’s kinda crazy that like there’s ALL THIS MAGMA and shit beneath us and we’re just like up here having jobs & shit
  • [after a really weird fade-out/cut back in] that was a really well-timed commercial break oh wait it’s a movie
  • actually magma is the doctor, when it’s underground it’s a meteorite1
  • [when aaron eckhart’s character abruptly/violently regains consciousness] GOTTA KILL BATMAN oh sorry weird dream
  • [hilary swank: “one minute til the first detonation. then twelve until the blast hits us.” aaron eckhart: “i was hoping we’d suffocate to death first.”] whoa dude, obtain consent before telling her about ur fetishes
  • [when it keeps doing text-signposted time jumps after the mission] i wish i could do this with my shifts at work “oh hey how’s it going [miles]” “good, and y—” [8 HOURS LATER]
  • “our sub has something on the sonar” why am i watching the sonar

notes

  1. yes i half-stole that from https://xkcd.com/1405/
,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: