mighty morphin power rangers: the movie to-do list

it’s imperative that you are perceived as inconspicuous high school students to protect your identity. do you:
try to avoid standing out? ✓
skydive for a crowd while wearing bright, obvious uniforms that are the same color power ranger you all are? X

your villain is named ivan ooze. do you:
give him and his minions lots of cool ooze-based powers like selectively turning liquid so punches don’t land and you can get cool visuals like the rangers getting all gooey when they get beat up? X
putty patrol, but weird looking and PURPLE? ✓

you decide that having the black ranger be a black guy and the yellow ranger be an asian girl is kinda racist. do you:
do literally anything else? X
just swap ’em so the yellow ranger is a black girl and the black ranger is an asian guy? ✓

you need to have ooze send another monster after the rangers for an act ii action scene! do you have him send:
something that at least kinda has something to do with ooze? X
bird people for some reason? ✓

some bikini-clad non-character shows up to deliver exposition. do you:
roll your eyes? X
lose what’s left of your dumb lesbian brain when she knocks tommy over at her feet and pins him there with her staff on his chest? ✓

some rando shows up at a carnival and starts handing out ooze. do you:
ignore him and go on a rollercoaster? X
gather around him in a comically large crowd for no apparent reason, initially express disinterest, but then all take the jars of ooze while shouting with delight because idk some weirdo said so? ✓

the bikini-clad exposition deliverer said you’re “strong and smart like an ape”! in the very next action scene, do you:
do something clever and helpful? X
hit a bone dinosaur with a small bone and get casually knocked out of the fight immediately? ✓

this movie is objectively terrible. do you:
get bored and turn it off? X
still have a soft spot for it for whatever reason? ✓

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: