cats (2019) is joyfully bad

… i really thought y’all were exaggerating. wow. WOW. wow.

this is so joyfully bad it kinda loops back to good??? and it’s so, so, so, so horny??? (self-callout: my reactions to the horny stuff were 50% UHHHH and 50% feeling guilty about being pretty into it.) i kind of love this movie??? and just think…

someone had to greenlight this.

someone had to watch dailies of this and say “yeah, this seems fine.”

someone had to decide that furries that were 90% cat but still had human faces, hands, and feet were a great idea.

someone had to lovingly animate rebel wilson eating an anthropomorphic cockroach that was also played by another human.

i kind of feel like i have to italicize this entire review for emphasis.

one of my partners described this as “an 80s cartoon intro where they introduce all the characters and what they do, except that’s the entire movie,” which, yes. yes, that’s exactly it. on top of that, the protagonist just kind of wanders around looking surprised and like… fair enough? but still kind of a bewildering choice.

i think my favorite thing is the way every so often they hold on one character long enough that you kind of get used to them and forget this isn’t normal, and then as soon as there’s a cut you’re just kinda startled by the appearance of the next character.

shout-out to the one guy in the audience who thought this was a very serious movie and not only turned around to glare angrily at us, but got up and walked over to the other side of the theater to angrily ask the entire rest of the audience to be quiet. … dude! you’re at a packed screening of cats over a month into the film’s cinema lifecycle. read the room!

shout-out to the guy who yelled “yer a wizard, harry!” at an opportune moment and made the entire rest of the audience except for that one guy laugh.

i’m not gonna lie, the experience was certainly enhanced by being pretty baked and yelling at the screen with most of my partners (as well as the rest of the audience). but wow. this was wildly entertaining, and i think it’s unironically just outside of my top five last year. this is transcendentally bad. i love it.

(b-rank)

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