The Ghostbusters Movies

Ghostbusters (1984)

“Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster, and the theory of Atlantis?”

So, let me get this straight. In one corner, you have Gozer the Gozerian. A nonbinary deity whose chosen form in the movie is a femme with massive Will Step On You energy. Their Keymaster directly told a horse that all prisoners will be released when Gozer is in power. Gozer later transformed him into a dog, and upon transforming back he was clearly less than thrilled about being a human again. At their back is a literal motherfucking army of the dead that they don’t even need because they are clearly capable of taking on just about any force the earth can throw at them by themself.

In the other corner, we have the Ghostbusters and the city, state, and county of New York.

The Ghostbusters. You know. Two scientists with their heads in the clouds, a guy just looking to collect a paycheck who both movies barely acknowledge his existence even when he’s onscreen to the point where you kinda wonder why they bothered including him at all, and their de facto leader who is a fairly accomplished con artist and a fairly unaccomplished sex pest. Those guys. Who the movie shows bravely show standing against the horror of *checks notes* any government oversight of businesses whatsoever.

And the city, state, and county of New York. You know. One of the most racist and corrupt city governments in the world, whose police force is basically a private army whose primary purpose is harassing marginalized groups and hemming them in to “their” parts of the city, keeping them away from the parts frequented by tourists and people who wear expensive Italian suits. Honestly, the only good thing about New York is actually showcased in the opening act: the New York Public Library.

And you want me to fucking root for THE SECOND ONE???

(Ok but seriously this movie still kinda rules even though its theming is awful in places. But also, yes please do step on me, Gozer. Also I wonder if the whole ghost blowjob thing could work in the reverse, like, with the living person blowing the ghost. Anyghost wanna help me find out?)

(A-Rank)

Ghostbusters II

I used to like this about the same as the first movie, but yeah, it’s really just not quite on its level. It’s a fun continuation, though. Just a shame it was the last one with this crew.

(B-Rank)

Ghostbusters (2016)

1. Ghostbusters 1984
2. Ghostbusters 2016
3 Ghostbusters II

They’re all fun, they all have problematic elements, and not a single one is worth losing a wink of sleep over to have embarrassing internet fights.

(B-Rank)

Ghostbusters: Afterlife

All hail Gozer the Destructor, may they destroy us if we are worthy! We offer ourselves to you, o mighty one.

All hail Gozer the Traveler, may they conquer this world as they have countless others! We long to feel the weight of their yoke upon our necks.

All hail Gozer, freer of prisoners! May their wrath rain down on those who oppress and exploit.

All hail Gozer, breaker of binaries! May all rejoice and be inspired by their transcendence.

All hail Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of the Sebouillia! All hail Gozer the Gozarian!

(A-Rank)


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